Weight has always been a constant struggle for me. Over the last year I began to creep up to my heaviest weight again. Only 10 lbs shy of when I delivered Ava. 144 roughly is what I stayed at this summer. I started working a little over a month ago. I'm happy to be out of the house for a little bit. I'm stressed about learning a new job and even more terrified of messing up on the job. I hardly eat. I went from constantly grazing, having lunch out with friends to noodles with cheese at lunch, sometimes a quick dinner (if I remember). No ice cream. Not as much soda. I've dropped down to 137 lbs. My first goal is 136 by January 1, 2013 My second goal is 130 by February 20, 2013 My third goal is 125 by April 6, 2013 My fourth and final goal is 118 by June 15, 2013 118 lbs is what I weighed just before getting pregnant with Ava. I was happiest at this weight and I could button all my clothes! I want to be in shape to keep up with Ava. Sometimes I'm so tired I just sit. I don't like doing that. I want to do projects with her after school and go out and play. I just get so tired and drained. I hope to get my energy back and my spunk for life back. I also joined a gym at work so I'm hoping that helps out once I get in a routine. I need to start training again for all the 5k's coming up in the spring, summer and fall.

Day 5

I remember why I quit last time I tried this diet.
My skin is so dry. I've tried every lotion in the house and my skin is just as dry!
The diet is REALLY hard to stick to. I'm craving sweet, and of course giving in!
This morning I woke up and I felt great! I have lost 3-4 lbs already.
My jeans fit. I can button them. Today they were actually loose! First time since November, I believe.

I think I'm going to give this a break and start up again when we get back from the wedding.

No excuses, but I'm a little stressed out.
I haven't put enough effort into making the right food choices. Although I'm not very hungry on the diet (yay, the drops actually work!) but I have food cravings like no other!

Also the first two days of Phase 2 I had the runs and stomach cramps. No fun. But I think my body was detoxing.

Other than that, I've had plenty of energy.
I just need to eat the right food. Make the right choices, and drink more than enough water. I think my lack of water is the major deal this time.

Boo

This is the second good thing I've quit this week. The first thing was school. :(
Kind of disappointed in myself. I feel like I'm losing my mind between doctors appointments, taking care of Phil, figuring out Ava's schedule and potty training. I've fallen behind on the house work, the dishes are piled up in the sink, the floor is layered with cat hair, and I finally, today caught up on 6 months worth of bill filing. Believe me, I have a room that could be featured on hoarders.

I have an excuse for everything, don't I?
Well truth is, I'm overwhelmed and it just seemed easier to drop the things that were stressing me out the most rather than face them head on and conquer them. Let's face it. Right now, I'm just being a wimp.

Again with HCG

I decided to try HCG again.
My first day was Thursday last week.
Phase 1 was Thursday and Friday.
I weighed in at 140 lbs
I did my best to load. I thought I ate enough.
Saturday I weighed in at 139 lbs.
Saturday was start of Phase 2. It was horrible! I had a head ache all day. Then towards the end of the day I started feeling sick. I chalked it up to the first day on the diet. Also I didn't do so great following protocol.

Saturday night was horrible. Awful actually! I felt sick all night, but didn't actually get sick until the morning. My stomach was complaining. I couldn't figure out if I caught something, if I was detoxing, or what. Sunday wasn't too much better, but it was better enough. Did not follow protocol AT all.

Monday- I weighed in at 136.0 lbs. Still not sure if my body was just detoxing itself (I button my pants, the legs of my pants aren't as tight). I noticed right away that last night, the normal medicine I take everyday had major effects on me. They took effect much faster than normal, they worked properly.
Although I still haven't followed protocol, I've lost weight, I feel like my body has sort of cleansed it self out. I have wanted to detox for quite a while. While I'm still not sure if I caught a bug or what, my body sure feels better. Whatever it was it sucked. My insides hurt like crazy. I had fevers, chills, aches, pains, and my stomach felt like it was being twisted in knots.

Today (Monday) although I stopped at Starbucks (I'm so not ready for the caffeine withdrawal headache), I went to the store. I picked up a cooked chicken, more strawberries, blue berries, raspberries and a spaghetti squash.
For lunch I had chicken, strawberries and blue berries.

This diet, is not for the faint of heart. Its REALLY hard to follow. Really hard. You have to be creative with what you eat.

I signed up for a 25 day plan. But since I'm going to a wedding, I'm planning on stopping on day 20.

My goal is still to hit somewhere between 117-121.
Then when I start going back to the gym, I won't freak out when I gain 2-5 lbs from muscle.

I'm hoping to learn how to eat healthy. To teach my family how to eat healthy, and I'm hoping that this will help me actually keep the weight off this time. Also, I'm hoping it will detox my body, help my mood improve, and help me become more stable. I think all these dang toxins are starting to ruin my thinking.

Biggest Loser

So about three weeks ago I joined Biggest Loser with a group of friends both far and near.
My commitment was unstable. While I want to lose weight, I didn't like the price it came with. Looking at numbers, going to the gym, eating healthy.
But then Ava got sick. While its been a horrible ride with fevers and coughing and such, it may have been a blessing in disguise.
After almost 8 years of Starbucks ALMOST everyday, I gave up Starbucks. My last Starbucks was last Saturday January 21st and my last soda (not even thinking about it, I just randomly gave it up) was Friday January 20th.
Two major staples in my life, I just gave up. Not even intending to, I just gave them up. While I've had a headache or two from the caffeine withdrawals, I feel pretty healthy.
It occurred to me yesterday, that maybe my view of weight loss has been wrong all these years. Maybe I've been too focused on the scale, focused on what I'm giving up instead of what I'm gaining. I'm on about week three of eating at home. I've given up soda. I've gained, confidence to cook meals at home. I gained a better understanding of what's better for our family. I feel like I'm now better able to lead by example especially for Ava, to eat better, to eat at home and to eat something other than cookies, candy, morning buns and calorie infested drinks from Starbucks.
So while I've gained knowledge, understanding and confidence; I've lost a pound! An entire pound, with out actually doing much other than eliminating bad drinks in my diet.
I have a whole new outlook on this Biggest Loser.
I hope by the end, I will be the biggest gainer. Not by pounds, but by knowledge. I want to eat better, I want to learn to love veggies.
I'm taking one day at a time. While I seemed to have eliminated the most vital part of my being (yes, I know, its sad but I did actually define myself by Starbucks and soda), I still have a long ways to go before I reach a healthy life style. If by the end of this contest, I can get dinner on the table with meat (or protein), veggies and possibly fruit, I will feel like I've done my job as a wife and mother. I will consider myself a warrior if I can actually get my family to eat all of these things with me. My biggest challenge, my baby girl who decided recently she is a picky eater.
So I want to be the biggest winner, not of the contest, but by a healthier life style.